Debt, a big bad ugly word, especially in this economic crisis with everyone out of work, no jobs available, the cost of living sky rocketing.

FD (Forgetful Dad) and I are no stranger to debt. You cannot live below the poverty level most of your life and not know the crunch of having debt. I know what it feels like to not want to answer your phone, fearful--despite call display it will be another bill collector threatening to take something of value. Usually it's my kids and when I agree they are the ones hanging up, but that is besides the point.

Finding solutions to manage your debt and bills is never easy, that's why when I came across this blog post, by Gayle a fellow blogger. She provides good tools and steps to follow that everyone needs to help get their financial lifestyle in order, some you might not have even thought about.

Getting a financial adviser, straying away from credit cards because they are evil, even if having your name on something Gold feels kinda cool, according to Shoeless Mommy it's a form of slavery and she's addicted to shoes so that is great advice!

Finding financial freedom isn't when you have college debts to pay, government and student loans, pay day loans, car loans, mortgages and more. The hill you find yourself buried under can often cloud your judgement and leave you feeling trapped with no breathing room.

Another reason to aim to get your financial affairs in order and release yourself from the stress and worry is to salvage your marriage. One of the number one reasons for divorce is due to financial hardship and stress, often leading couples to fight about money.

No matter what road you choose. Finding opportunities to help you save your money and grow into a more financially rewarding life can't be all bad.

For now--we live pay day to pay day, racking up our debt as we go. Are we stupid? Well probably, but living with a person who has a brain injury means I live day to day, which means I only get to live once.

I know I won't feel this way once our retirement comes though, when we are living in cardboard box, with no windows or doors. Crayons are a dollar at the dollar store, and I best be saving up so I can make my house look pretty at the rate we are going.

Maybe Gayle has some positive ideas I should follow. You should, too.

Men are strange. Yep I said it. They know it. We know it (women) but what else about men should we (women) know?

FD and I have been married for six years now and I have learned a thing or two about men while being with him. My last relationship was with Gamer's father and it lasted 10 yrs or so. And after a disastrous failure at that relationship I was determined to make sure my marriage this time made it through the humps, pitfalls and strangle-holds that often corrupt a couple in love.

1.) Love is never enough.

Love is great. Loving each other with respect is even better. But love is not enough to help a marriage sustain the abuse we go through leading every day life. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. So what about men and communication?

Many of my gf say one of the hardest things they find in dealing with their men is talking to them. This happens because we as women assume that our men should know exactly what we are thinking every moment.

Not true! Men aren't that smart. Nor do they even think about us or anyone else most of the time. So how do you talk to your man?

Straight up... as Paula Abdul would say. Be blunt. Ask for what you want. Tell your man what you need. Tell him how you feel, and not just about what he is or isn't doing. How YOU feel. Don't make him guess.

2.) All we ever do is fight about money.

Ahhhh this one is big.  In relationships between men and women the matter of money always seems to crop up and bite us in the ass.  Well most of us anyhow and that's because the way men and women handle and view the details on finances is different, along with what we feel is important.

So how do you find middle ground if money matters are causing your relationship trouble.

The first step is to figure out a system that works for everyone.  Some married couples are happy where one person deals with the money and one doesn't.  If that works for you great!  But if you find yourself arguing over where the money is going and need to gain a hold on your money.  Then you need to find a suitable way to arrange things where both of you can work it out together.

Get a receipt holder.  You know the kind with the large poke stick so you can throw on your receipts for everything you spend.  If you buy gas, it goes there.  If you pay a bill, the bill goes on it.  If you buy that new top you have wanted, it goes there.  That way at the end of each month you can sit down together and see where the money is going and who is spending what where. 

This isn't to arrange a full frontal attack on the person over spending.  It's a simple and easy method to assure both partners see how they are each spending and maybe where you need to cut back.

Above all remember, money is NOT not everything in life.  Paying your bills is important but it's not worth fighting over.  Get together and discuss how you feel and if there is something you want to purchase either together or separately, set up a savings account and tuck away a few bucks until the day comes when you can walk in and buy that $1000 sofa you've both been wanting.

3.) In our marriage doing the house work is 50/50 and we share everything!

Okay this is bullshit!  Sorry ladies but it's not true.  No matter how much we want it to be true, the majoridy of us women spend more time cleaning, cooking and taking care of business more than the men in our lives.

Is it because men don't care? 

Absolutely not.  Men care but they compartamentalize their jobs differently then what we do.  One thing I can't stand is when I hear one of my friends say ... "I asked him to do the dishes and he did them wrong!"

If you want a job done the way you want it done then for christ-sakes do it yourself.  It's that simple.  If you want help around the house then you have to make lists.

I know it sounds silly.  Make a list for a grown man?  Yep, and it works.  My parents have been married for 37 years and they still make lists for the house work.  Mom has her chores.  Dad has his.  They get up and they do them together or through out the day.  But the bottom line is it gets done and the house gets clean.

Find a way where the jobs or chores are delagated so that everyone is happy.  And if you have kids don't shy away from giving them a list of chores to do as well.  If everyone chips in, even if you work full time.  The chores and housework will get done and everyone will be happy; including mom.

4.) My husband /' boyfriend is selfish and doesn't care about me or my feelings or anything.


Okay again I'm calling bullshit.  This is an unfair statement about men and one that is made far too often.  

I realize for us gals it may appear as though the men in our lives don't give a shit about anything.  But that isn't the case.  Men just handle stress, emotions and life differently then we women do.  Women base everything on how they feel.  Men base everything on how things get done.  

Men worry and care just as much as we do but handle it different and if you man is not reacting or acting the way you think he should then maybe your expectations of him need to change.  Don't set yourself up to thinking men are unfeeling because you will be surprised at just how MUCH men feel about stuff.


Take FD for example.  

When I got sick and we had a scare thinking that maybe I had a heart problem.  He got very quiet.  He didn't talk to me.  In fact he wouldn't even hug me much.  It was like he was treating me as if I was already dead and he was moving on without me.  It didn't feel good.  It made me feel sad inside and I thought... "shit he doesn't give a crap about anything."


I soon found out that was the farthest things from the truth.  It wasn't that FD didn't care.  He cared.  In fact he cared so much it was overwhelming for him and he didn't want to break down because he was trying to be strong for me.  He was trying to be strong for the boys.  He didn't want the boys to see daddy scared that something was going to happen to mommy and they would be without me.


How did I find this out?


Well it goes back to number 1.) communication where love isn't enough.  I had to talk to him.  I told  FD how his reactions and actions were affecting me, what I felt and thought and that is when he corrected me and told me what he was really feeling and his emotions broke down.


So you see what I felt and thought was wrong.  He did care.  He was just handling it different than I thought he should and once we talked about thing it got sorted out.


5.) Never go to bed angry and time outs are important even for adults.


I cannot stress enough how important this rule is and how men and women again handle this differently.  But if you make it a rule from the beginning you will be fine.

Why should you not go to bed angry?  

Going to be angry doesn't leave either partner feeling good.  And 9 times out of 10 men go right to sleep as though the matter doesn't bother them and women stay up and brood over the situation because we for some reason can't sleep when we are upset.  At least I'm like that.  So I make it a rule never to go bed angry.  And besides you'd feel pretty crappy if something happened during the night and the last words you spoke to the person you loved were out of anger.

How can you resolve things if one person is not in agreement with the other?

Simple, you agree to disagree.  End of story.  Many time FD and I have had an argument or disagreement on something.  When that happens.  FD leaves.  No he does not run away.  He takes a time out.

Time outs are given to our children to help them calm down and reflect on their feelings, so that they can better resolve the issues they face without anger getting in the way.  The same goes for adults and that is where time outs come in handy so you don't say something  you will regret or do something to hurt someone else  you love.

Marriage is more than just love.  It's a partnership.  That is how it should be.  Love is great and it is what allows you to show how you feel about the person you are with, but marriage is more than that.  Marriage is friendship, taking the good with the bad, the ups with the downs and being able to communicate your feelings with respect and understanding.

Recently a good friend of mine discovered her b/f was cheating on her online. Okay, nothing new right? We've all been there (girls) haven't we? I know I have and many friends and even family members have experienced dealing with the discovery of their partner cheating or talking to someone other than them while surfing the web.

What gets me is the why...

Early in my marriage I caught my husband talking to a woman online. The conversation itself was (mostly) harmless.. He didn't lie and say he wasn't married. He didn't talk bad about me. He didn't say he had no kids or that he was looking for anything.

But it still bothered me and I acted less like a confident and strong, intelligent married woman while communicating and more like a raving lunatic so consumed with jealous and hurt that it was pretty bad. The whole time I wondered why?

Was it because I had gained some weight? Or that I wasn't the same person I was when he married me? Was he bored in the bedroom? Did he just need more and felt tied down with the married life, kids, bills and stress? And mostly I wondered -- how on earth can I stop this from happening again?

Internet dating and online relationship have become a main source for finding that guy or gal of your dreams. In fact I met my husband through an online dating site, similar to e-harmony.

But there is a very big difference to a free site and one that is paid. Any guy who will pay money to get your email address because he's interested so he can contact you (to me) is more worth checking out then one who stalks the free sites looking for love.

There are guidelines that should be set in your relationship between you and your spouse. A clear definition on what is or isn't cheating should be discussed between partners.

For instance (for us) cheating is defined by sharing intimate details about our relationship with the opposite sex (even if just to have a friend) because even if we cannot talk to each other we have our friends or family members we can lean on, and should not be talking to some stranger at a chat site about the details of our marriage.

Cheating doesn't always have to be physical. It can be emotional and often you hear women say "that's worse" then if he'd slept with the her!

All I know is that in relationships things change. Cheating is wrong and all it does is undermine all you've built and worked on. Even if you are going through hard times, lack of communication with one another and so forth. You can always find ways to get through it.

One thing I love that my husband does, despite his brain injury and not remembering is that if we cannot talk to one another -- we will find other forms of communications. We write notes to one another. Or we talk on our cell phones if it's too difficult to continue a disagreement we are having face to face.

The bottom line is that marriage and relationships should be something cherished. The truth is any of us, including those of us already married or in a relationship can go out tomorrow and find someone who we think might be better than the person we are with.

Better doesn't last though.

After the initial giggles and pitter patter of the heart two people are left to live with one each others idiosyncrasies and choices. Communication, understanding, patience and remembering why you love each other instead of why you don't are key to making things work.

My friends will often say to me... "How can you love someone who forgets you all the time?"

I tell them it's easy. DH may not always tell me because he forgets a lot in his hours during the day but he shows me. Actions speak louder than words. Getting me a drink. Asking how my day is going? Asking how I slept last night. Coming up and giving me a hug. Bringing me an Advil when I'm not feeling well and picking up on my emotional moods are all the many reasons why I love my husband through the good times and bad. And being clear on who we both can and cannot talk to online helps to make our marriage strong and hopefully it will continue to be strong as our years together roll by.

So talk to your partner.  And girls don't be shy or worry about what to say.  Say what you feel.  Both of you should be able to speak openly about your feelings whether  you agree with one another or not and come to a resolution as to what works for both of you and your relationship.