I was molested by my babysitter.  So it goes without saying that when it comes to the idea of finding a babysitter for the boys, I'm a bit overwhelmed with emotions.

I don't blame the kid responsible for doing the things he did to me.  I don't blame my parents for leaving me in his care, either.  They didn't know.  I was only five at the time and they trusted the person I was with.

But when it comes to my boys, especially Pickle, who just turned four, the idea of someone else watching them, someone I can trust... Where can I find such a person?  How will I know if I can trust them?  The whole thing makes me feel sick inside.

Why the pressure to find a sitter?

Well for starters, FD (Forgetful Dad) and myself haven't had a date in nearly four and half years, not that our marriage is in trouble and we need one.  We spend every day together- neither of us working.  FD because of his brain injury can't work and me- well I'm the caregiver to both him and Pickle, who has Cerebral Palsy.

Maybe that is the problem. 

I worry I won't be able to find anyone who will love my baby the way I do.  Someone who can understand his special needs, his OCD tendancies, know how to deal with his melt downs and his fears and treat him kind--instead of mistaking him for a spoiled child just wanting attention.

The truth is leaving Pickle and Gamer with anyone other than my parents, pushes my anxiety through the roof, but FD wants me to try.

Our good friend is getting married in Las Vegas and wants us to go down there for the ceremony to share in her special day.  FD of course wants to go.  It's Vegas baby!  He's always wanted to go there.  A whole weekend away from the kids... What parent wouldn't jump at that opportunity?

Me.

I'm insane.

I have never been away from the kids for more than an hour or two--EVER!  Not even as a single mother, before I met FD did I really spend any time away from Gamer, except for when I went back to school to get my diploma in office administration and that one time when his father (he who should not be named) came to get him for a week during one Christmas, and that nearly killed me!

But I didn't worry about Gamer back then in the same way I do Pickle.  It's because Pickle has special needs I know it is.  Not because I love one child more than the other--just not possible in mommy land. 

Maybe it's not healthy being this close to my kids.  A vacation does sound divine. 

But what if Pickle cries for me?  What if something happens when he's outside playing?  What if he has an accident with the potty?  What if Gamer gets emotinal about something and... what if? what if? what if?

Lord lock me up!

I'm certifiable, I know.  I promised FD I would try and so I shall. 

So how does an emotional mom with anxiety disorder find a good babysitter for her angels?  Simple--she asks her readers for advice.  So tell me moms and dads in cyberland.

Where do I start?

"There's no water!"

"What do you mean there is no water?"  I asked, puzzled as I looked at FD who proceeded to show me by turning on the bathroom taps.  He was right.  We had no water throughout the entire house.

WTF?

I opened the front door to my townhouse and came outside, and like myself others were coming out, my neighbors.  We were like a group of individuals waiting for a flying saucer to land, puzzled looks on our faces.  Do you have water?  Do you have water?  Hey do you have water?  Voices circulated as we tried to figure out what on earth was going on.

Well what was going on was that a pipe had broken and it was flooding behind my house down the hill and directly into another unit.  Poor woman looked panic stricken as she continued to watch the grass next to her kitchen flood quickly.

Bearer of bad news: Mr. Rooter told our maintenance manager the water had to be turned off for the entire night until tomorrow morning... or until they could get the part to fix the pipe, otherwise the unit (lady with the white scared face) would soon be the proud of owner of our new community pool!

Okay no big deal right?

Wrong!

It's amazing the thing you need water for.  Coffee, making noodles for a four year old, making juice, drinking, flushing the toilet (GROSS!) brushing your teeth, making bottles and bathing... and the list goes on.

But good things always come from bad situations.

Our community (our co-op) usually doesn't care about things.

When we have meetings, nobody shows up.

When things need to get done, nobody usually comes.

Lately though, maybe it's something in the air or maybe it's because we might be losing our homes, our neighbors have been pulling together to be a community, and today was an example.

FD went door to door to let others know (while in his pj's) because he's sick--that the water wouldn't be on for the rest of the day or night.

Then he and several of us went out to bail water out from the huge hole Rooter dug and dump it down the drain so that Miss Unit wouldn't be swimming tonight and her house would be safe.

One of my neighbors called her dad and he brought buckets of water to hand out to every unit for those with babies who needed it for bottles, those who don't speak English and might not know what to do.

And my g/f "Tee" filled up several jugs for me because she lives on the other side of the co-op and they have water over there - lucky buggers.

Thanks "Tee!"  You are the best!

It's funny when faced with minor dilemma's or big nuisances how the people around you ban together to help each other.  It's why I chose to live in a co-op as opposed to a house.  I wanted a community of friends and neighbors and that's what I got, people who care.

Now I just have to explain to my four year old why he can't have his three baths per day and hope the melt downs aren't too bad because he has a spec of dirt on himself.  What fun!

Happy weekend everyone!

What would you do two years after finding happiness?  Well get ready to get Carried Away, with Carrie and the girls as life has changed quite a bit for these lovely ladies of New York in Sex and the City (part 2)

Last we saw Carrie and Big (Chris Noth) got married.  Something all of us wanted to see.  Now they are trying for a bundle of joy, which leads Carrie to a far off place with the girls where she runs into an old flame.

I cannot wait for this movie!  I told FD I wanted tickets for Mother's Day and a babysitter so Shoelessmommy and I can go, laugh, cry and enjoy our fashion sense and wish we were something other than what we are - working moms on the run.

I am a huge fan of SEX and the CITY and part 2 should be even better than the first!  I've been asked whom I am like more, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha.  Well lord knows I'm not Samantha, though secretely I think all us women wish we were, money, sex twice on Sunday's (mmmmmmm bliss!)

No, I am a little bit like Carrie (advice giving, writer, romantic at heart) but without the fashion sense.  My fashion sense comes in a t-shirt off the rack from Wal-mart for $6.99 now that's a great deal!  And I'm a little bit like Charlotte, always giving, loves her husband, holds out for happily ever after and a bit settled and down to earth.

Which character are YOU most like?  What do you like about the Sex in the City tv show/movies?

The release date for Carried On is set for May 28th.  Check out the movie trailer below and let me know what you think.

Man I wish I could laze around all day long sleeping with a buddy (wink wink) but alas FD and I have kids and never get alone time.  Ahhhhhhh it's a cat's life!

"Why don't you listen to me?"

"I feel so frustrated, my kids ignore me!"

"If you don't listen I'm going to..."

Ahhhhh - the ears are turned off and your anger is on the rise.  They don't listen.  You try to ask nice but it's like they are purposely ignoring you.  You are at your wits end and don't know what to do.

Getting your kids to listen is not an easy task for any parent.  I know my boys have days where their ears are permenently shut off and I'm climbing the walls with frustration, ready to explode!

So how can you get your kids to listen without declaring an act of war?

Well for starters--one thing I always try to remember is how I felt as a kid.  When dealing with my own children I try to put myself in their shoes, their young minds, what it felt like when I was younger and felt misunderstood or frustrated, and I always try to remember THEY ARE NOT doing this because they are out to get me.

As a parent it's easy to say - just do it - give no choices - because I said so and it's because you are the boss right?  I mean kids are supposed to listen.  They are suppose to do what they are told.  They aren't suppose to talk back, have their own thoughts or feelings or go against something you've said.

For kids--life can be confusing, hormonal, worrisome, challenging and kids need to know that although yes there are boundaries, rules in place for them to follow, guidance and options are a better way of approach instead of putting down the hammer and giving them no freedom for their feelings.

Pick and choose your battles...

What do your kids do that upsets you?  Leave their shoes out?  Don't hang up their jackets?  Not keeping their rooms clean?  Don't do their homework... or whine about their chores?

When my boys arefuse to listen or ignore me when I'm speaking I do the same thing back to them.  It might seems childish at first, but when I do this they get upset because they see how their behavior reflects when I do the same thing back.  Then I go on to explain to them how they felt when mommy ignored them is how mommy feels when they act the same way, so they better understand how their not listening affects us both.

Leaving stuff lying around and not cleaning up.

Many parents complain about this.  My kids do the same thing.  They get lazy and some days I feel more like a maid who doesn't get paid, picking up after them constantly and it's frustrating.  So how can you get your kids to pick up after themselves?

Have consequences.

Consequences work in our home because my boys know that for something they do, either good or bad choices there will be consequences for their actions.  If they leave their shoes out, I put them outside where they rain the possibility of getting wet.  If they leave their toys out, I put them in the time out box where they stay until they realize their actions are governed by their choices.  It works! 

Note: Be careful though, guess where my shoes went when I left them out?

Distractions are a parents worst nightmare during communication.

FD always gets upset with the boys for not listening when he's trying to talk to them but distractions play a very big part.  Television on, radio playing in the background, long lectures (kids tune out), smaller children around, long days at school.  Removing distractions is a parents best defense to getting your kids to listen.  Find a quiet spot before talking, make sure your kids are ready to listen and proceed with your communication.

And finally a great way to teach your kids to listen is to teach them to talk.  I know you're saying "Huh?"  My kids know how to talk.  But do they?  I want my kids to listen and not talk.

As a family we have chat sessions where we practice not only listening, but talking as well.  We take turns as a family speaking about our feelings, and awknowledging the other person by repeating back what we've heard, which is great listening tool.  Doing this shows a care and respect for the other person's feelings that you are indeed LISTENING.  You cannot expect kids to listen if they don't first understand how to share their feelings respectfully and responsibly and use their words effectively with others.

Remember open and honest communication is important in any family.  No matter what you are dealing with, you can do this -- together.

Growing up I never imagined myself as a parent.  It wasn't until I was about 25 I actually thought "Hey, might be fun to have some kids."

I love my parents, very much but as a kid I didn't listen to them.  What kid does, right?  I thought they were full of BS and hypocrites.  "Don't smoke, it's bad."  Yet they lit up every day and smoked in front of us.  "Don't drink, it's bad."  Okay mom, have another glass of Hoctoler and rub up against the neighbor lol.

All kids think their parents are full of crap.  No matter what we tell them, knowing it's for their own good, they choose to ignore us.  We've all heard the "I walked a mile in the snow, barefoot, never had friends, always did what I was told or got the strap for smiling..." stories.

That's why when I had my kids, I decided I was going to do things different.  Not better than my parents, just--different.

I used to hate it when I asked my parents why?  Never getting a response that was remotely honest, only the dreaded BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO answer.  And growing up one of the things I missed out on the most was communication.  Not being treated like a kid who didn't understand anything, who had no feelings, but a smaller version of an adult learning, curious about life, questions that invaded me, and a safe place to bounce that stuff off of.

As a mom today that is what I try to do --be honest with my kids.  Is it better than the way my parents raised me?  No it's not.  My parents loved me and support and care is the fundamental recipe for having a successful relationship with any child.  Everyone wants to be loved.  But I feel closer to my kids than I ever felt to my parents and for that reason I am proud.

Gamer is ten turning eleven and we have a great relationship.  We still snuggle.  He will hold my hand while we walk, kiss me goodbye when he's leaving for school and will talk to me about what's on his mind, no matter the topic -- girls, hormones, how his body is changing and the fears he has about getting older and gaining more responsibility.

Is he ever bad?

Hell yes!  All kids are.  In fact all people are.

Sometimes I will catch him swearing, repeating a word he's heard, using it and I will cringe.  I'm a potty mouth by nature, not flattering I know, but there it is out in the open.  Mommies a trucker when she talks and gets nervous lol. 

My parenting to that: I simply tell him it's nt right I swear, it's setting a bad example and when he's older he can do what he wants, but for not nobody wants to hear a ten year old say naughty words.  I also remind him to remind me not to use naughty words, when my vocab is in the toilet he is allowed to tell me to watch my p's and q's.

Is that giving him too much power?

Should kids be allowed to remind their parents when they are acting wrongly?  Should they be allowed to speak out against their parents when they disagree with something?

I say yes, which I realize many parents do not agree with.  Kids should not be able to talk to their parents in such ways and should do what they are told -- all the time.

Children are human beings though, with their own thoughts and feelings which may not coincide with ours.  They are individuals.  As a kid I always felt I was misunderstood, unheard and my existence didn't mean anything because I felt my feelings were irrelevant.

I never wanted my own children to ever feel that way.  I wanted them to know that as a parent, yes I am in charge, I'm older, I know more but their feelings are just as important, what they feel and how they express themselves is something we can discuss and talk about.

Well today Gamer and I and FD sat down and talked about Gamer's grades in school.  He has fallen behind a bit and the first thing he said to me was... "Are you going to ground me?"

I was like... "No, why would I?"

That's when Gamer explained many of his classmates get grounded for having bad grades, not that Gamer's grades are horrible because they aren't.  I told him grounding isn't a solution to his drop in grades.  What grades he gets in school are his responsibility and that I shared some of the blame--for not checking his work properly, keeping up on him, because I trusted him to do his own homework and now we have to go back to a check situation where I sit down with him and he shows me everything.

Gamer agreed.

I looked at him and told him all I wanted was for him to trust me.  I realize soemtimes it might be confusing because I tell him things he shouldn't do like swear or smoke etc... because I do them.

Wanna know what he said?

He told me that he didn't think that.  He realized I only tell him those things because I've been there and I don't want him to make the same mistakes I have made.

I was totally blown away.  Maybe I am doing a better job than my folks after all.  But how they raised me has made me the mom I am - so maybe I learned more from them than I thought.

Thanks to the great people at CSN stores I was able to offer a toy ball set to one of my lucky readers this month. The winner of the contest is Suzie!

Congrats Suzie, I hope you enjoy the Edushape set. It's a fantastic set for children with special needs. CSN stores has a variety of wonderful online products, everything from toys for kids to house hold items, candles, bath sets, garden and more.

But I love their special needs toys because Pickleboy has Cerebral Palsy and he used these balls during his occupational therapy and loved them!



You can visit Suzie (our winner) at her blog Mikylo's Grandma, and give her a visit at Twitter she is so excited about her win and is going to be giving the toy ball set to her grandchildren.  Congrats again Suzie!

A big thanks goes out to everyone who entered.  I am new to doing contests and just starting out so the support has been wonderful from all you!

Don't forget to enter the Royale Reno-cation giveaway, ending this month to win a ton of fabulous prizes from Royale, along with myself.  I am giving away two gift cards to one lucky winner $50 gift card for Kelsey's, Milestones and other various restaurants, plus a $50 gift card for Home Hardware.  (This contest is open to all CANADIAN residents.)

Have a great day!

It's Random Tuesday and so of course that means I will posting a bunch of nonsense lmao, stuff that goes on around here and what's new in the Shaw household.

I wish I had furry feet. 

There I said it. 

Hair on the tops and sides, that way I could walk barefoot through the house on the cold hardwood floor without wearing socks.  I hate wearing socks!  My feet would stay warm and then FD (forgetful dad) would stop bugging the crap out of me about dressing my feet up.


MY SON THE GOALIE ROCKS!

We got home Sunday night from K-town, back from Gamer's last hockey tournament for the season.  He rocked.  Here is a pic of him in net.  I am a proud mama.


Gamer is eleven, so pizza, swimming, hanging out with the guys.  It was the best weekend ever for him.  He was a bit hesitant to be up there since his biological sperm donor or "He who should not be named" as Gamer calls him, lives there and Gamer was a tad nervous about perhaps running into the (bleepity bleep bleep bleep bleep) guy after not seeing him for nearly year.

It was all good though.

Road trip wise, so much fun for Pickle.  He was stoked.  "Are we there yet?" was the common question asked during the four hour drive.  He was also a bit off set about peeing in the snow at the side of the Coq.  "Mama, I can't pee outside!"  Like it was the most digusting thing we'd asked him to do.  This coming from a child who at one point ate his own poo!

We got to our destination and heard... "Now we can go home!" 

Trying to explain the fundamentals of how a vacation works to a four year old is like trying to explain to my husband why he's in the dog house when he's done really nothing wrong, I'm just in a mood. 

So much fun!

So FD went down to the local coffee shop to pick up some food today.  Now being he has a brain injury, sometimes crap happens and apparently they (the blood sucking east indian owners) claimed he ordered the meal twice, despite the fact I called the order in and we've been going there as regulars for over four years.

They took FD's money but kept our food order, screamed at him (I wasn't there or my foot would have been claiming sunshine up their a$$) and made Pickle cry because they called the cops!

I went down in my pj's, due mainly to the fact that I'm still sick.  The cops thought the situation was absolutely retarded.  The lady accused us of trying to scam them. 

Yeah I'm not the one stealing a brain injuried man's money, making a four year old cry and calling the cops over a bunch of onion rings and a BLT!

So lunch was fun.


If you particpate in Random Tuesday Thoughts, head on over to visit the UNmom as she rocks!

Having a movie on hand can be a moms secret weapon when it comes to keep wee ones quiet, on long trips, at home for an hour or two while you blog, a before bedtime ritual or what have you.  I know I have used movies to give both PB (Pickleboy) and myself some much needed quiet time, both together and separate from one another.

That's why when I heard about BLOCKBUSTER Express™ kiosks., I thought what a totally cool idea!  I mean who has time to load up the kids, trek down to the video store, wait and find something to watch, and by the time you get home every one is too wound up or too tired to watch the movie.  That's why the kiosks is a great secret weapon for busy moms and dads.  It makes renting a movie quick and easy.  You can rent a movie for a $1 per night.

Going to blockbusterexpress.com you can create a favorites list, browse available movies, order up to three movies at once online and then pick up at your local kiosk.  Spend less time renting and more time with family.  I do have to say though, here in Canada I cannot seem to find any kiosks available anywhere, but if you live in the states you can input your search and find your local kiosk near you.  Sad for me and other Canadian moms but great for you guys.

Blockbuster Express is offering a special Rent One Get One Free coupon code for members of MomSelect to use and share with all our friends and family and our followers (MEANING YOU!)  Your coupon code is 555G13B.

When you rent a movie at the regular price using the code in the banner above*, you'll receive the first night's rental on the second movie FREE. This offer expires on 3/31 so make sure to take advantage of it soon and encourage your friends to do the same!


*Code is valid thru 3/31/2010. When you rent a movie at the regular price, you'll receive the first night's rental on the second movie FREE. Extra night charges and taxes apply. Limit one per customer. May not be combined with any other offer. Rental terms and conditions apply. Not valid at Blockbuster store locations. 

My boys totally want to see the new movie "How To Train Your Dragon" hitting theaters this weekend, and now for a limited time Paramount is looking to get the word out and is offering moms all over to a special early morning screaming starting March 26th, @ 10 am.

These are the cities involved:  Chicago, Denver, L.A., Miami, Minneapolis, Orlando, Portland, Sacramento, Salt Lake, Tampa & Washington DC.


Get Tickets to How to Train Your Dragon Online!Visit the Official How to Train Your Dragon Site


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