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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Some People's Children

Oh man I am so upset right now and of course I come here to let out my hurts, worries and upsettedness (it's a WORD!)  as Trace my three year old calls it.

So today was my BFF's son's 10th birthday and all of us went up to Albert Dyke Park, a man made swimming hole with the kids for some fun in the sun and good times.

It was a beautiful day today for a party. The kids were all having fun. Most of the kids were from the co-op both Shoelessmommy (my bff) and I live in and play together almost every day, except for one boy whom I will call the "Obnoxious Monster" only because telling you his real name will turn me into an anger ball even further.

Now to make a long story short, OM's mother doesn't like me. I can't even begin to tell you why because in all honesty ever since we moved into the co-op she has never made any attempt to get to know me. Her husband and my husband became friends and then her husband and she broke up and somehow I became the evil bitch who lived near her.

Now hubby and I have lived here in the co-op for four years now and during that time, we've not really spoken to her. Not that I've been unfriendly. That's not my nature, and there are only 19 town homes in our complex, so it's not like you can avoid your neighbors or not know everyone's business.

During that four years my boys and Obnoxious Monster and his sister have played a bit but very rarely. In the past year new developments began. Things like OM's mom telling new neighbors moving in to stay away from us, handing out treats to all the kids playing outside, except our boys. She has names for us.

"Don't be friends with THOSE people. Stay away from THEM they are SCARY and have no morals." Stuff like that which makes me want to hurl rocks through her window, but again I'm civilized and really in all honesty don't give a shit what she thinks.

Until today...

So after the beach the boys all went back to Shoelessmommy's place for a sleepover and to play Rock Band. Gamerboy (my oldest whose ten)  had his pillow and sleeping bag and was very excited. I left and had to do some things. I came back around nine o'clock and went over to say good night.

So I walk in and head to the back where Shoeless is on the deck having a cigg when Obnoxious Monster says : "Mrs. Shaw, ummmm Gamer is hurting people and I think you should take him home," in the snottiest tone I'd ever heard from a seven year old, next to mine.

Me: "Really. Well what's he doing?" As far as I could see all the boys were having fun and nothing was wrong.

OM: "He's taking A's blanket and bugging him."

Now at this point Shoeless stated if there was something wrong why didn't any of the boys say something to her. My question exactly since I had just arrived and saw no signs of trouble.

Me: Well what would you boys like me to do, take Gamerboy home." It wasn't a question as much as it was a statement that they should be talking to one another and working their differences out.

OM: "That would be a good idea I think."

He looked so cocky, all I could do was stare at him. I looked at the other boys sitting around him and asked them, one of which was Jay's best friend (A) and he also agreed Gamer should go home.

Okay I have to say. I was teased as a kid. Kids can be cruel and mean and I got over it. I got called names, wasn't invited to parties and so forth. But the pain I suffered then wasn't anything compared to the pain I felt hearing all these boys state they wanted my son to go home and seeing the awful look on Jay's face as tears entered his eyes.

I told Gamer to get his things and go home; I'd be there in a moment. I spoke to the boys and asked them each if this was how they felt. They all nodded. My anger escalated but I tried to keep my cool. They were after only seven and ten years in age.

I told the boys that was fine. I'd keep my son at home. But I also said to them very firmly don't any of them dare come to my house tomorrow and knock on my door asking if he could come out and play with them.

I am tired of the teasing they do to my child. The lack of acceptance for who he is whenever they don't want him around but when they have nobody to play with; he's their last choice. It's not fair or right and Gamer deserves better than that.

Needless to say my boy was a mess when I got home. He cried so hard and I cried with him. Screw them! I thought as I held him in my arms. I explained that Obnoxious Monster is only acting this way because his mother doesn't like me and because Gamer accidentally hurt her son last week.

I told my boy it doesn't matter, whether OM"s mom and I get along you don't take that out on the kids. And as for hurting each other. They are kids! Kids hurt one another.  Gamer apologized for it last week and that's all he can do. He can't change the events that happened or the decisions he made a week ago, but he can be sorry for them, share that sorry and try to learn to make better choices.

Anyhow, Gamer said he wanted to go back to the party. He said he didn't want OM to win or take control over his life. I was worried. I didn't want Jay going back to a place where he wasn't wanted. That is no way to fit in. But off we went - back to the party.

Shoelessmommy felt so horrible this happened. Her son said he wanted Gamer at the party and it was his birthday. But my boy wasn't satisfied. He asked to speak to A (his BFF) outside.

I watched as the boys talked in the corner and Gamer apologized for bugging him and taking his blankets. He also told him how upset and hurt he was that A went along with OM in wanting him to go home. They finally hugged each other and A said sorry too and the boys went back inside.

OM said nothing when my boy came back to the party but it was clear on his face he didn't want Gamer there. I didn't give a shit! Too bad! If he didn't like being around he could be the one to go home. My son had a right to stay.

Okay I know I've babbled on about this and you are going my God the DRAMA! Yes DRAMA but I can't help it. Raising kids is not easy. Teaching them to interact with one another, deal with their feelings, be kind to each other and not put each other down or follow along with what one child thinks in order to exclude another child from group events.

The whole things is very dramatic and painful (for parents) and for kids. But we have to teach our kids to be nice to each other and that teasing and bullying hurt more than they think. We have to teach them forgiveness because holding grudges gets you nowhere in life and really the only person you end up hurting is yourself.

Gamer I hope has a good evening with the kids. I'll know tomorrow how it went. In the meantime I'm going to try to not be angry myself for this mother teaching her son bad habits and to be cruel.


Anonymous said...

OMG! That's awful! I know exactly who you're talking about and that crazy witch shouldn't even be allowed to have kids, let alone teach them stuff - especially if this is the way she's teaching them. I'm so sorry that J had to go thru that. It's surprising how young group mentality starts. Hopefully, though, has a good time despite what OM is trying to do.

This stupid thing won't let me post as anything other than anonymous, so you'll just have to guess who I am! Mwahahahaha!

Hyla on June 30, 2009 at 12:20 AM said...

You are SOOO much nicer than me. After taking my kid back to the party I would have marched right over to OM's house and gave his mother a LOUD piece of my mind!

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