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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

biggest loser: tracey throws her teammates under the bus

Okay my mouth dropped open this week watching BL (Biggest Loser) during the weigh in, though it shouldn't have, but I just couldn't believe as I watched Tracey who won the challenge and the power to decide whose weight would count, when she threw all her teammates under the bus.

She's a backstabber, she's awful and I was totally jumping up and down when Jillian opened her mouth and blasted her, saying Coach Mo should frankly "look out for himself" now and not count on her because Tracey is going to do what Tracey wants to do.

It all started when Tracey stepped forward after Alison presented the competitors a choice.  A 2lb weight advantage at the weigh in vs. working with Bob or Jillian.   Tracey chose the 2lb advantage without consulting with coach Mo (her partner) much to everyone's surprise.

This woman everyone carried the first week after she collapsed on the beach because she couldn't walk across the finish line.  She was sent to the hospital and it was HER partner coach Mo, a real lovable guy in my mind, who kept Tracey there another week.

This week though Tracey's real colors rose up.  During the second challenge the contestants were given a choice to have power over the group.  Eat the most cupcakes and you get to decide whose weight counts while they are perched on the scale.

Of course Tracey won.  The little pig ate four cupcakes!!!  Man I was pissed.  She also lost 11 pounds, nice message to send to everyone.  Be a bitch, eat sweets and lose weight - that's the ticket!

So there they all are after, partners talking to Tracey and telling her what they want.  Who needs to be there and who should be chosen and she bald face lies to them all and says she will do what their wishes all because she wants to see them all thrive.  I mean losing weight and getting healthy is the main goal here, right?


It's still a game and Tracey proved just that by putting Shay and Daniel in jeopardy when she chose Daniel's weight over Shay's and they fell below the yellow line, along with Antoine and youth pastor Sean.  It was sick!

The emotions displayed after though were enough to make you cry as Antoine and Sean both decided that Shay needs to stay on at the ranch and that both he and Sean had a good support system at home, asking the group to vote them out.

And the group did just that.

Tracey's display of game play is what I don't like about the show.  Call me stupid but I enjoy seeing the contestants help one another and pat each other on the back during challenges.  I enjoy seeing them become friends, game playing or not.  It's a different type of emotion displayed, unlike the usual reality tv shows which showcases everyone out to stab the other. 

Tracey needs to go home!

After the show we also discovered that Antoine hooked up with fellow contestant Alexendra, sent off first week.  The two are in love and it was a great ending to the show to see the support they now give one another away from the show.

I can't wait for next week to see how the group reacts to Tracey who has now blackballed herself  on the ranch.  It should be fun to watch and makes for good drama -- LMAO.
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wordless wednesday: a woman scorned







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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

random tuesday: happy birthday forgetful dad

Well it's been quite a week.  We finally got things settled with FMEP, their mistake and not ours.  They reversed the hold on our account, set things back to what it should be but not before the whole thing cost us over $500 bucks!

Big ouch!

But at least things are settled now and the week carries on as a week will do.

Today is my husbands birthday.  Happy Birthday FORGETFUL DAD!  My best friend and my partner, the sweetest guy I know.  I hope you have a great day sweetie!

It's Hell's Kitchen and Biggest Loser night, so the girls are coming over along with Stevie B (as pickleboy) calls him to watch the shows, poke fun and laugh.  Corky is getting spoiled with Chinese food for supper, a beer and for dessert pumpkin cheesecake -- mmmmmmmmmm.

Happy Random Tuesday all.

If you participate in random tuesday then head on over to visit the UNmom and keely at her fantastical blog!  Don't forget to leave me a comment and post your link on her site.
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Sunday, September 27, 2009

i got a bloggey award! yeah me!

I was amazed to not only see a comment in my mail box from a reader of  Rants n' Rascals especially since lately I've gotten no comment love from anyone.

Vicki over at Frugal mom sent me an award!

I have never gotten an award before, well okay I got one for best journalist in high school and I was totally stoked about that.  But this award means a lot because she likes me and it's sooooooo nice to be recognized by a fellow blogger.

Here is the award Vicki sent me

Part of accepting this I've been asked to pass this blog award on to 14 blogs I feel deserve it.  And so here is my list of my favorite blogs that I feel deserve some bloggie and comment luv.  Thanks again Vicki, you are a doll.

If you have been chosen please collect your award here, drop me a comment and pass it onto the bloggers you feel deserve it.  Have a great day!  And thanks for stopping by.

Don't forget to check out the Frugal Mom HERE and see all the goodies Vicki has to offer.  She's da BOMB!

Harriet - because she's the coolest chick

Shoeless Mommy - because she's my best friend and her blog rocks!

Sited and Blogged - because their contests are just too good and you can't help but luv it there.

Daddy Digest - because he makes me laugh and his podcasts are just too cool!

MommaYoung - because reading her makes my day a better day.

The Forgetful Dad - because he's my husband and I'm proud he's blogging.

Keely @ Un Mom - because her randomness is crazy and fun.

Meg Fowler - because her friday love lists are a part of me and everything else about her makes being Canadian cool.

Life, Marriage & Kids - because well the name just says it all. - because it's one of my favorite places to visit.  Friends and fun all the way around.

Small Town Mommy - because I love reading her small town stories and her site leaves you warm and fuzzy.

Bantering Blonde - because she makes me laugh when I need it most and has an incredible site.

Bookieboo - because if you want to get fit, are fit and want to belong to a community of wonderful women then this is for you. 

Momspective - because without her the blog world wouldn't be fun!  Julie u are amazing!

Remember to post  your top 14 you feel deserve the award.  Create a post with who gave you this award (those on the list) it would be me... and so forth.  Then put up your list showing you think deserves it.

Thanks again to Vicki from Frugal Mom for my award and I want all my blog friends out there to note choosing 14 was hard for me because I love you all.

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Friday, September 25, 2009

friday frustrations: bc government knows how to screw you where it hurts!

I am fuming mad right now, like downright, grab a gun, shoot a person in the foot kinda angry!  And so in general traditional of my weekly memes I only thought it necessary to gripe about it here on Friday Frustrations, though this goes beyond frustrated!

Today we went to the bank only to discover a hold on my husband's account from FMEP (Family Maintenance Enforcement Program).  He is behind on his child maintenance payments by $2000 (arrears).  My husband is on a very limited disability and was when I met him.  Due to his motorcycle accident when he was 18 which left him unable to remember things day to day.  Life was difficult for him and he has always tried his best to keep up and remember to pay for his son.  A child he has very limited contact with but is still his responsibility yes.

However they didn't garnish his wages or even take his money.  They put the hold on our account and all the monies that get direct deposited in it which included my child tax credit and our son's disability.  Now we can't pay our rent or bills, our vehicle is going to be taken away due to this and nobody seems to care.

Trace (Pickleboy) was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at birth.  We moved away from my husband's child to move closer to Children's Hospital due to all the testing and rehabilitation he required to sustain a more normal life for him.

We live in subsidized housing and I could not believe that the Canadian government has given FMEP the right to STEAL money from children.  Money I use every month to buy diapers, medications for Trace's legs because they hurt every day of his life due to walking and stiffness.  Clothes and food for the boys to eat, and school supplies for our son.  Money used to pay bills, like hydro and telephone and rent for our unit we live in.

How could they?

Well they can and I was completely devastated by this.  I am angry right now.  That is my money, and yes in marriage things are shared.  But I do not feel it is right to take money used to protect and feed and keep my children safe to pay for his child. 

Everyone keeps saying -- well that's the government for you.  But that isn't good enough.  FMEP states they are only really allowed to take 50% of the money but have frozen the rest so I cannot even access it to do what I need to do in order to survive.

I don't know what we will do.  I don't know how we will fix this.  My husband was supposed to call them but forgot to due to his brain injury and if he doesn't tell me about it I cannot help to guide him to remember.  Every day is a struggle for us both mentally, physically and emotionally.

I didn't need this, too.

But I guess things happen for a reason.  I am now selling our things, things I purchased after saving long before I got married in order to pay his debt.  I spent the afternoon crying but realize I need to move forward in order to figure things out.  Things are replaceable.  My husband's heart is not and right now it's broken because he's blaming himself for not remembering and for being unable to work.

He's an amazing person and loves his son.  He wants to pay for him, even though he doesn't get to see him.  He knows it's his responsibility.  Still it's hard to not get angry when my son's fathers (my ex) owes me like 8 grand in arrears and I get nothing!  But here they are going after a man on a disability and all this after they over charged him on his child support payments to begin with!

I can't wait for Saturday!

If you participate in Friday Frustrations please head over to Conversations with Moms and post your link there.  Also don't forget to send me some comment luv!  I could use a good word or two today... thanks.
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Thursday, September 24, 2009

themed thursday: ewwww i have to clean

Nobody likes to do housework, especially me.  In fact I absolutely loathe house cleaning and this weeks themed thursday is what chores do you HATE doing and what would you do to get out of them?  Remember to come back here if you participate to post your link, and don't forget to grab a banner from the sidebar.  Comments are optional lmao.

I hate doing the dishes.  I am the dishwasher but hubby and I try hard to take turns.  We play rock, paper, scissors to see who can win and the loser has to do the dishes.  I usually lose.

Laundry.  We have so much laundry that you would think I have girls and not all boys with the amount of times they change their clothes per day.  It's insane!  I have begun showing Gamerboy (he's 10) how to work the washer and dryer.  I've also been guilty of throwing out socks just to buy new ones so I don't have to wash them.  Mind you the socks have no matches because the dryer always eats them lol.

Toilet Tales.  I hate cleaning the bathtub and toilet.  I once paid my neighbor ten bucks to clean out my tub.  I have no arms and legs - okay I have them but they aren't very extendable and so reaching into the tub kills my body and takes me forever.  I love the invention of the portable shower head cleaner.  It was made for people like me who hate cleaning the tub.

Cleaning out the kitty litter.  I trade off back rubs or allow hubby to watch an extra sporting event in exchange for him cleaning out the cats shit  box.  It smells and it's gross and I can't handle the stuff.

What chores do you really hate?  Share them with me.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

wordless wednesday: bucket list - fish kiss

I'm posting this as part of my Wordless Wednesday things I want to do for the rest of September and into October.  Okay maybe I don't quite want to kiss a fish, but you have to admit that swimming with a dolphin would be cool.  What's in your bucket list?

Please take the time to head on over to Wordless Wednesday Headquarters to post your link and comment on your WW for the week!
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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

random tuesday: when will i learn?

Gosh!  Do you remember those days?  Girls sitting around and chatting about boys, laughing and giggling, telling each other secrets, bonding in ways that only girls can bond?

Yep, okay me either.

I didn't have a lot of friends growing up and I was okay with that.  I really was.  Sure at times it was lonely, but I always felt comfortable being with myself, reading a book or writing.  Sometimes I missed the parties, drinking and doing stupid things.  But I did that with the select group of individuals I still call my friends to this day, and now we are all grown up.

Or at least I felt like a grown up until yesterday.

I put myself into a situation that I really hate.  A situation between friends, threw out my opinion and well it came back to bite me and didn't make me feel very good at the same time.  I should have known better.  I should have just kept my mouth shut, but I was defending someone and have since come to realize I cannot fight other people's battles for them, even if I have the best intentions at heart because something always goes wrong...

So I spent the day and night stewing over this whole, my foot up my ass and I realized that is the shitty thing about doing something you know you are going to regret.  There is no going back to fix it.  You can only move forward and learn from your mistakes and well -- in my case DUCT TAPE your fucking mouth shut next time you feel the need to vomit your opinions all over people you don't know.

Ahem - sorry to the people I hurt with words that were not meant to be hurtful.  Meg I apologize if what you thought I was saying was to be nasty or hurtful or condescending in any way.  DA I already wrote you an email.

And to Sparkee, I love you doll but I should not have interfered, despite trying to help you and feeling angry at not how you were treated but what was said more than anything.  I am not your keeper and need to realize you can fight your battles on your own.

Do I feel any better after posting this?

No.  That is the wonderful thing about inserting your foot up your ass... you walk funny for a while.  Ask me in a week how I'm doing and maybe my stride will improve!

If you wish to participate in RANDOM TUESDAY then head on over to KEELY at the UNmom and post your linky there.  Stop to read her too because she is so funny and you're bound to stay a while.
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Monday, September 21, 2009

wit: totally amazing story

Sitting at home this afternoon HBO showcased a beautiful film that I just have to share.  It's called WIT a 2001 television movie, directed by Mike Nicholas and the teleplay by Emma Thompson based on the 1998 play with the same name by Margaret Edson. and it's one of the most beautifully poignant and touching tale tellings of 48-year-old Vivian Bearing a professor of English literature, known for her brevity and fond love for sonnets by Jonne Donne

The movie is narrated by Emma Thompson who gives a stunning and powerful performance as she guides you through her journey and the degradation and humiliation she suffers while dealing with aggressive Cancer Treatments.  She revels her life and goes over small moments that meant something to her both past and present, such as having a former student (now a doctor) perform a pelvic exam on her.

The doctors don't care about Vivian.  To them she is research, a greater way to teach and discover how aggressive cells mutate for cause the Cancer she has to be so trecherous.  They use her and she agrees continuously to go through these tests despite the pain she is in. 

There is a nurse though, a loving and caring individual who helps Vivian sees the human side of things and cares for her Susie Monahan who in one scene after she's left pretty out of it takes some hand cream and rubs it on Vivian with compassion.

Toward the end of her life the other visitor Vivian receives is from her graduate professor and mentor who left me with tears as she crawls into bed with Vivian and reads to her Runaway Bunny, a children's book to help ease Viviana's emotional and physical pain as Vivian realizes that she should have been kinder to others and there is more to life than intellectual WIT and that having a heart can lead you to greater things.

I found myself inspired, engaged, tearful and laughing throughout the movie as the professor quotes poetry that causes you to stop and think about death and life and love and everlasting time. 

This is a must see film and a true inspiration.  Emma Thompson is magnificent as she often turns to the camera to tell you what she is feeling, giving you a second look from a perspective we'd never get to see before.
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ode to special needs mothers

Last night was absolutely horrible as far as mommy moments go.  It was a difficult night for Pickleboy whom has Cerebral Palsy (mild) of course but still has it and the pain he was in just about broke my heart.

He had a very busy day as days go at our house.  We did some running around, going to Costco to take some things back and then Wallymart (Wal-mart) to do some food shopping.  LOTS and LOTS of walking and then we headed over to this woman's house to pick up a pair of roller skates.

Roller Skates for a kid who sometimes has trouble walking?

Well of course.  Why not?  Sure sometimes his legs give out and it takes him longer to learn things other kids take for granted like bike riding, climbing and jumping.  Why not?

So there he was all smiles on his skates, blading around the van and holding daddy's hand.  The world a whole new playground for him.  He skated and skated, grinning from ear to ear and showing everyone his new toy.

It was truly amazing and wonderful to watch his determination after each fall, get up and try again.  A great mommy moment.

Then night fell.

He woke up at one in the morning, crying hard. His legs were hurting.  I rubbed them and it allowed him some rest but he was anxious.  He tossed and turned while I held him, crying.

He refused a bath.

He refused medication to help ease pain in his legs.

Instead he wanted to walk.  And so there we were holding hands at one o'clock, darkness in our home because the light makes him sensitive and we walked the floor.

We went up and down the stairs several times and along the hardwood in the hall until finally my little guy was ready to go back to bed.  He laid down, snuggling himself between his dad and myself.  And wouldn't you know it...

Now I couldn't sleep!!!!

I had a hard time dealing with the feelings rolling around inside of me, the emotions that came through me for my son.  So grabbing my blackberry I punched in (MY CHILD HAS MILD CEREBRAL PALSY) not sure what I was hoping to find, some connection to other mothers who know what it's like to have a special needs child with needs nobody can see?  Maybe I wanted to be told he wasn't the only child like this because most children with Cerebral Palsy that we've met are severe and not (ordinary) so to speak when you look at them.

I searched through the first several links until I came across a chat room and that's where I suddenly found this... and then I started to cry.  Bawl more like it because let's face it I have no control over my emotions this early in the morning when my child has been weeping due to pain I cannot help him with.

PB immediatetly sat up and said: "Mama why are you crying?"

I wiped my tears and told him I was reading something and it made me sad but happy to read.  He asked me to read it to him and so I did.  This is what I read:

Ode to Special Moms

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social
pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for
propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs
his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter,
patron saint, Cecilia.

"Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint, give her Gerard. He's used to

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does
not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of
self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll
handle it.

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is
so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give
her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not
going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just
enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally,
she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child
less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a
'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will
be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset
to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance,
cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them. She will never
be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life,
because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised midair.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

- Erma Bombeck, May, 1980 

It's true, every word.  There are good days and bad when you love a child with special needs especially if those needs are not visible to everyone else. I know I need to have faith in myself.  God gave my son (Trace) using his real name now because I am breaking my rule because I guess he figures I am worthy.  Most days I feel unworthy and as though I'm failing but then I see that smile, that look of not giving up when he tries to achieve something and I push forward.

I laid down beside my baby.  We held hands and finally we both fell alseep.  Tomorrow is another day, another adventure and another day filled with glorious challenges to face.  And we will do it together but never alone.

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

how to bulk upload photos to facebook

If you have every tried to upload photos to Facebook then you know it's not always fun or easy, especially when FB's bulk uploader doesn't work.

Tonight I was sitting with Sparkee, girls night at my house and she asked me to upload photos from her camera.  She had over 200 pics and my inside voice was screaming *ummmm yeah okay 5 at a time* I'm gonna be here forever!

I was always wanting to know of a way to upload more than 5 pics at once, so essentially Sparkee forced me into doing something I wanted to all along and so off to Google I searched.  I love Google by the way.  And it was there I came across BLOOM.

It's a simple application that allows you to connect to Facebook in the same way Twitter does and you can upload a shit load of photos at a time.  You can name your albums, even tag your pics and your friends in them.  It's fast, too!

We timed it and it only took 5 minutes to upload 30 photos to FB and my computer is slowwwwwwwwww.

Here is what Bloom looks like after you download it.


There is a lot you can do with this simple little program.  So check it out BLOOM today and make uploading your photos to Facebook to share with friends and family a snap!
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small talk six: autum leaves a fallin

Autumn is a wonderful time of year, at least I think it is.  The smell of the crisp air as the days get shorter and darkness hovers like a phantom across the sky lit up by the moon.  It is a time when you tend to see more black cats roaming around and the word pumpkin sends a ripple of excitement through her.  Hay rides through the patch, shopping for Halloween costumes and every where you turn the color of the leaves seemingly change right before your eyes.

This weeks small talk six for Saturday is to list 6 things you either or love or hate about Autumn.  Put up your posts then head over to and post yourself there so you can share your feelings this week.

Don't forget to leave me a comment please and thank you.  You are also free to grab my button on the sidebar if you wish.  Happy Saturday everyone!

My Six

Leaves falling to the ground all shapes, sizes and colors.  So brilliant!

Frost on the windows in the morning and the crisp air letting you know winter is just around the corner.

Gathering leaves into a big pile and then jumping into them (Laughter is optional)

The color the moon sometimes changes (reddish orange) so beautiful!

Walking through the pumpkin patch with the kids while they search for the perfect one.

The Great Pumpkin Charley Brown.  My most fav of movies during this time.
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Thursday, September 17, 2009

themed thursday: hairy scary movies that make me hide

Welcome to Themed Thursdays where each week there is a new topic to blog on.  This week it's the five top hairy scary movies that make you want to sleep with the lights on.  Tell us about them and what scares you the most about each.  
Have fun and don't forget to leave your link and comment below so we can check out your top five scariest movies of all time!

The Grudge:  Scary story about a family where something went horribly wrong and the father killed both his wife and child, unleashing something dangerously spooky.  A ghost story of sorts.  I have to say this movie scared the crap out of me!  I mean it actually made me scared to go to sleep and it wasn't even that scary.  I don't know what it was, the sound in the film when the female with long hair came creeping up to snatch you, or the fact that she came from a roof attic area in the home and I have one and refuse to allow my husband to open it lol.  It scared me a ton though I must say.

Deadly Blessings.  This is an old film but scared the beeejeeezus out of me!  I don't like movies that have to do with God or the Devil, something on that note just spooks me.  And this is a story of a woman who has been chosen to bare the son of the devil.  It's quite old and I remember watching it as a kid (sneaking of course) so mom didn't see but yeah another of my top five!

Yes of course Freddy and the original Nightmare on Elm Street.  Who wouldn't be scared of some crazy burnt guy with fingers as knives who comes at your through your dreams.  Ummm yep after watching him I didn't sleep for like a week.  But then I went back to watch it again and the ones that followed and came to love him!  Sick I know...

Rosemary's Baby is a classic cult horror movie and for it's time it was really scary.  Starring Mia Farrow as a woman pregnant who encounters strange behavior in all those around her because she is carrying the devils child.  It was quite scary when I was a kid, now it's just fun to watch.

Stephen King's classic Children of the Corn was a really scary movie for me.  A couple encounter a small town where all the adults have been killed because they worship something in the corn fields and their leader Maleki.  It's a great film and tons of fun to watch if you haven't seen it.

Leave your link below to your post on your top five favorite scary movies and don't forget to post a comment.  Thanks for joining us this week!

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

wordful wednesday: welcome to the world parker

This is Parker, my cousin Stacey's new baby boy.  He's sooooooooo adorable so I just had to share him with you all.  Welcome to the world Parker! 
Becoming a parent is the most fantastic feeling in the whole world.  We are so happy for Stacey and her family with their new addition.  Parker is my second cousin hee hee... and we are blessed to have him in our extended family.

He has his mamas smile.

Mom Stacey and son

I wonder what he's thinking about???? lol
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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

random tuesday: wtf? people are going crazy!

Okay so everyone knows but I'm still gonna blog about what happened to Taylor Swift at the MTV awards when Kanye West jumped onto the stage and snatched the mike RUDELY I might add to state that Beonce's album was (choke choke) best that year.

Well West did some back peddling, most likely because he was set to appear on Leno's new show last night along side Jay-Z.  Wish I could have seen it but I went to bed early.  Apparently he apologized on his blog again to her though, and so he fucking should have.

Poor Taylor just stood there, seventeen years old and didn't know what to do.  But Beonce' made it better by allowing Taylor her few minutes in the sun later when the singer won.

Also Serena Williams had a big BIG melt down at the US Open, proving once again her potty mouth is not a thing of the past.  She was a highlight on yesterday's VIEW with Whoopi along side Kate Gosslin who talked about her failed marriage and what it was like to be a single mom.  It was quite interesting.

She was fined something like 10 thousand dollars and more diciplinary action is set to be in motion from the Open's Board.

Pickleboy is doing quite well in preschool so far this week.  He's getting along fine with the other kids.  I just wish we could get him to pee in the damn potty.  I'm so tired of his not willing to even try for it.  He's going to be four in March and I worry about him.  We've tried everything.  Now we are at the point letting him run around naked, which seems to work.  He does not want to make mama mad by peeing on the floor.  Good boy!

Gamerboy is also enjoying school this year.  He loves his teacher and his subjects, especially French.  He has really taken to it and each day comes home to share with us the new words he's learned that day.  It's kinda cool.

OTHER NEWS:  My teeth decided to act up and I have no money to go and see a dentist.  They have been aching so badly I cannot even breath without being in pain.  My teeth are making my ears and nose (sinuses) hurt as well so sleeping at night has been fun.

Hey, if you participate in Random Tuesday head on over to Keely at the UNMOM and post your linky there.  Have a great day everyone - until next week....
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Thursday, September 10, 2009

goodbye sasha we will miss you

This is a follow up to my previous post concerning our family pet.

Today was a very sad day.  Very sad day.

Today we put down my moms cat (our family) kitty Sasha and my heart is broken.  She wasn't getting any better and mom and dad couldn't bear seeing her struggle and in pain.  Yesterday she started drooling horribly, and despite eating a little pudding (chocolate) of course (just a few licks) and a little bit of water.  But she was not good.

So mom and dad decided to put her down today.  It wasn't an easy decision and despite other people thinking it's silly to weep hard over an animal you've loved and whose loved you for nineteen years.  It hurts and it's not nice and hard.

Mom and I held her down while they shaved a patch of her fur.  She struggled and was alert but you could tell with all the weight she'd lost; it was only a matter of time.  Mom didn't have enough money to sedate her and when Sash began to struggle I piped up "I'll pay for it!"

She hated me, Sasha.  She really did.  But in the end she allowed me to hold her and laid her head in my hand while she went to sleep.

Seeing my parents break down and cry was really difficult.  I hate seeing them in any pain, emotional or otherwise.  Afterwards we took them to McDonald's -- because well everyone just needs some Ronald when they are feeling blue, right?

So anyhow we finished supper and then we dropped my parents at home.  It was a very long and exhausting day with taking Trace to preschool, going to the gym, going birthday shopping and then saying goodbye to someone we loved...

I'm pooped!

Goodbye Sasha.  I will miss you dearly even though we didn't always see eye to eye.  Thank you for being a faithful friend to my mom and loving her.  I hope you are better now and not in any pain anymore.  I'm glad I was there to say farewell.  We love you.
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ellen is the new american idol judge!

Okay if you are a huge idol fan which I am then you already know that Paula Abdul has decided due to contract disputes (left) idol for this season.  And the replacement hunt to fill the spot next to Kara, Randy and Simon began almost immediately.

All over the net you heard rumor after rumor, the latest being Queen L, who stated she didn't want to replace Paula because she is irreplacable but has signed on to be a guest judge for a couple of shows.

No the new judge was announced and it's Ellen Degeneris.

I love Ellen.  I don't care who you are she is shit totally funny!  I cannot wait to see what she brings to the show and although several people are concerned she has no yeah right  musical background to bring any input.  Randy states there is enough expertise to go around the table.

Ummmm okay if anyone watches Ellen... she is TOTALLY into music and knows her stuff.  Maybe she isn't an expert when it comes to pitch and tone but it doesn't take a genius to figure out if a person is sigining off key or not or isn't putting out their best performance.

What I loveeeeeeeeeee about Ellen being the new judge is that she is fucking soooooo funny.  Come on you know she is, and she will bring a fans perspective to the show maybe not letting people through that shouldn't be getting let through if you know what I mean?

Congrats to her; she's so excited.  I'm excited for her and I cannot wait to watch her make Simon laugh and maybe lighten him up a bit.  LOOK OUT mr. Cowell because the queen of funny is in town and you can't flirt your way past judging correctly because well sorry to tell you - you aren't her type hahahaha.
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he's just like everyone else... all he wants is to be loved!

For many of you who come here to read my blog, then you know I have mentioned in the past that my son has CP (Cerebral Palsy) and other disabilities.  Gosh I hate that word and yet I was still using it.

Well today I'm here to stand up and say...  

"Hi my name is JP Shaw and I'm the mother of a child with special needs!"


Okay that wasn't as easy as it looks printed on the screen before you.  I don't know what it is but for the past three years, since we've known that Pickleboy was different somehow all I've done is focus on fixing him.

PB started preschool on Tuesday and I have to take him back tomorrow.  I don't want to but know I have to.  He needs to go.  He needs to thrive and make friends.  But that isn't even what is really bothering me today.  What is bothering me most is that all this time ... after all the doctors and hospital visits and appointments with neurologists, specialists, child development and so forth...

I still feel like I have to fight to explain YES MY CHILD IS SPECIAL NEEDS!!!!!

You know sometimes even I convince myself that he's fine.  He is normal.  He is healthy.  He is smart.  He speaks.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with him.  Right?

Well for the most part, yes that is true.

PB's CP is very mild.  In fact most people (except experts and doctors) can see it.  When he gets tired he will lose his legs.  By losing them I mean he falls -- A LOT!  He stumbles, has no balance, cries every night because they hurt.  His legs just cannot function when his brain is overrun or overwrought with stress.  He is not your typical case of CP.

Mind you there is nothing typical about PB.

PB also has Asperger's.  He has yet to be diagnosed because he's too young, but us and the experts are certain he is an Aspie kid.  He is the type of child who needs structure and predicability and without those things LOOK OUT! because again he cannot function properly.

He will bite.  He will hit.  He will scream.  He will run.  He will swear and run away and bang his head on something or bang into you.  He's three and if he is unaware of what or where he's going all the time.  It just doesn't work for him.

PB is just like everyone else... all he wants is to be loved.  It's loving him though that can be a struggle in itself.  I had no idea how hard it would be to get hugs or kisses or I love you's from your very own child.  How sometimes he just isn't here.  He's off somewhere in his world unaware of feelings or emotions.  How sometimes his lack of understanding makes him appear like a very spoiled and rotten child, when indeed it's the opposite.

I'm always on GUARD!

I cried a lot tonight after all the boys were bed.  I was hanging out at twittermoms, scrolling through groups and reading about other moms who have special needs children and thought to myself... that's not me.  Then it hit me.

YES YES... it is.

I'm the mom of a special needs child who has special abilities and although he appears as normal as can be (to others) most of the time, he's not and I have to accept that and accept him and love him for everything he is.

So why am I so afraid?

Because I don't want him to be different.  I know selfish, eh?  He didn't sit up on his own until after he was one.  No biggie he overcame that.  He didn't talk well or even walk until he was two.  Again he moved mountains and has come so far so fast.  He's going to be fine.  Right?

Well of course he's going to be fine.  But when I'm standing in Walmart and he's screaming, biting and hitting and freaking out because of an overload to his senses and his ability to deal with so many people and so much noise, and then he collapses in my arms, vacant and drained and says... "I'm sorry mama."

I want to SCREAM!

He is different.  He's mine and he's different and that's okay.  Maybe he shows he doesn't care but he does.  I know he does.  I know he's there inside and I can see him.  And he is going to be fine.  We are going to be fine.  We just have to get through these days and nights, one day at a time.

Still this road is paved with stones my feet have never felt before.  I'm depressed and sad inside lately and trying to cope.  But I think joining these groups on twittermoms is going to help.  At least I hope it does.

"No  place is worth visiting if you have to take a shortcut to get there..."
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themed thursday; california dreams

Mmmm childhood memories.  Just one?  One that was good and one of my fondest?  Well I have a couple to share for this weeks Themed Thursday.

As we get older we often forget our childhood memories.  Having children of our own though we often face the full circle of life as it often has a way of repeating itself when you share something with your children your parents shared with you.

Here are a few of mine:

1.) I remember waking up as a kid, early in the morning just after my father jumped out of the shower and had gotten dressed to go back to work.  He was a cab driver and often works nights, days on end and so we didn't see him often.  He would sneak into our rooms (my brothers and mine) to check on us and give us a kiss before leaving.  I was always awake.  I knew each time he showered that he'd shaved and I would reach up and ask to run my hand over his cheek to feel the velvety softness of his freshly shaven skin.  Then I would breathe in deeply.  The smell of Aqua Velva filled my nostrils.  Now every time I smell the stuff I think of my dad and remember those precious moments I had with him before he took off to go back to work to provide for us.  That is my number one fondest childhood memory.

3.) Going to Disney Land with my parents and taking my Nana, before she passed away.  We were kids and she had this infectious laugh that would of course trigger you to laugh along with her uncontrollably.  It drove my father crazy and several times he threatened to throw her on the roof rack of our Beaumont if she didn't quit it.  It was hilarious.

4.) Driving home from family vacation when a bee flew into our car and my mom screamed and waved her hands like a crazy woman.  My dad swerved and suddenly we lost our hubcap and watched as it rolled all the way down the mountain.

5.) Last but not least.   Watching my parents.  I was only a kid, yes.  But the love they had and still have for one another I remember wishing I hope one day I find someone like my dad who will love me as much as he loves my mom.  40 years of marriage is rolling up on them soon as a kid growing up when you see your parents hug and kiss on one another with such love and affection it gives you warmth and let's you know everything will be okay.

What are your fondest childhood memories?  Share them and come back and post your link below.  Don't forget to drop me a comment letting me know you've posted.

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