Well today was not the greatest. I hate it when I hear bad things about my kids. What mother doesn't? Hockey-dude came home with a note from the teacher that read as follows:

1.) J needs to take home his goal to success sheets. I do not think he is taking them home.

2.) J is having trouble concentrating and is choosing to talk and play with others. eg: he and another boy put notes on another student's desk and back of the child's head while the class was working.

3.) J's Bunnicula novel study is overdue! He has been staying in at recess until it is finished and handed in.

4.) J's planner hasn't been at school for me to give you a note in it.

Okay this sucks!

I was not happy to say the least reading these things. We've asked hockey-dude all week (like we do every day) if he has homework and he lied to me.

I also wasn't aware he wasn't taking his planner to school but had left it upstairs under his bed, which he only did because he was behind on this novel study and did not want his teacher and I swapping notes with one another as we usually do whenever there is trouble.

"I hate grade four!"

That was the erruption I heard after school when DH brought hockey-dude home. This phrase was of course followed by tears to which I ignored. I don't like it when my kids cry but I also realize what a weapon it can be if used correctly and if I allow those daggers to invade my heart. I had to be strong.

Mom: Why are you not concentrating at school?

HD: The other kids are talking to me. It's not my fault.

Mom: We don't make excuses for our actions do we? When we do where do we end up?"

HD: In the dumps. But this kid keeps talking to me.

Mom: So you ignore him don't you? You have to get your work done. It's important because your grades go with you as you go to middle school. Your school work is only going to get harder.

HD: I hate it though. It's boring. I don't want to do it. I was scared to tell you I was behind because I thought you were going to beat me.

Mom: *Pauses to roll her eyes at the dramatization HD is showing." Well yes we would have. In fact both dad and I thought we'd throw you in the dungeon, feed you scraps from the troff outside and keep you away from sunlight for the rest of your life."

HD: *Pauses to roll his eyes* "Not funny mawwwwm."

I explained to hockey-dude the importance of schooling and of NOT and I mean NOT lying to us about not having his projects done.

He had a great second term and I told him he was only letting himself down if his grades drop. Not DH or myself because we already did school.

He is only letting himself down and nobody else.

With every word that escaped my lips I heard my mothers voice and it grated on my nerves like a bad burn from the sun.

I heard my father come out as I explained to hockey-dude that he was grounded for two days to which he was going to have to sit down and complete this project.

He would have one hour to do it, no more. Anything not finished was going to carry over to the next day, and so if he wanted to enjoy his weekend he better buckle down and get the work complete.

I clutched my friggin heart watching him wipe his tears on the back of sleeve, sniffling and seeing in his eyes he knew I was right, but also seeing the anger behind them knowing he just didn't want to do this and I was making him.

I hated it!

He hates school and doing his work.

I hate making him and sounding like my parents when I do.

It sucks!

But I also know it's my job.

And as I come terms with this downfall in Hockey-dude's schooling I just have to keep telling myself it will be okay. I didn't like school. I was lazy and didn't do my work. I lied to my parents. And I turned out okay (all of you who know me be quiet!).

Mom you were right. What goes around comes around. And I'm sorry for all the horrible things I ever did as a kid growing up. Guess it's my turn now, to wait and worry, help and guide, love and teach.

Man I'm too f**cking old for this shit!