I'm fucking choked right now! I know potty mouth, but WTF and WTFC? (that's who the fuck cares) for those of you who might not know. I am so perturbed.

So hockey dude came home Friday feeling a little down. Okay that was an understatement. He was sick, and by sick I mean not wanting to play with his friends outside, no video gaming, no asking for food to eat every twenty minutes and no wanting nothing kinda of ill.

Now for any of you who might have a tween (age 10 to 12) know what I mean when I say that is just not cool. He was running a fever, said his body hurt all over and he just wanted to lie down. Plus he was coughing and his throat was scratchy.

Now I'm a freak. No really I am.

I don't watch the news because I'm a freak, and with this H1N1 (swine flu) outbreak (where people are contracting a bad version of the flu from animals and now fucking each other up because they are passing it along to their fellow humans), it's been kinda scary here in Canada as each day more and more reports are being made of people having this awful virus.

I'm thinking mmmmm (cough, fever, cold, nose running like a tap that won't shut off, body aches and pains, not wanting to eat) I'm thinking maybe hockey dude has the flu.

We took HD to see the doctor on Sunday at the walk in clinic. He filled out a lab sheet and said to take him in for the H1N1 test and keep us and him on quarantine until we get the information back.

Great! Who doesn't love quarantine? It's not like I don't spend enough time at home on my own accord, now I HAVE TO STAY home and it's a rule. How nice - thank you.

We were told to keep HD away from other children which meant no school (cripes!) I hate it when they tell me that. That is my down time dammit! Away from the kiddies when they are off sponging their brains.

Okay no school. What else?

Wash your hands repeatedly until the skin peels off them. Why don't we just boil our bodies it's safer! And tell everyone whose been in contact with you or HD who is sick to stay away.

Ummmm wait! I watch kids Tue to Friday. This is not going to bode well with their working parents. Yeah - no.

So we take hockey dude into the lab this morning and the girls there immediately give all of us masks. Cute little fuzzy blue masks to keep our germs away from them because they do not want to go home and have to boil their hands after work.

The lab tech looks at the request form for my son and she says... "Which doctor did you see? We don't take blood for the H1N1 test. The test is done thru a throat swab. You are going to have to go and see your doctor. He will do it for you."

Ummm yeah, I already went to a doctor and he sent me to you, fucking retard (the doctor that is). So off to our family doctor we go with a new lab form in hand.

We get to our doctors and wait in the room. It's been three days since Jake first got sick. It's Monday, a day I truthfully despise (just cause) everything and anything that go wrong, usually does. Our doctor comes into the room.

He's wearing a mask and gloves. He asks me what are the symptoms. I tell him. He checks HDude over and then takes a throat swab. He writes down on another lab for the request for testing.

Good! Finally we are getting somewhere.

"I'm testing Jake for strep throat."

"Excuse me?" I blink twice. I know because I counted, yep two blinks by me. I proceed to ask him why. He states because that is what he thinks Jake has. He doesn't have the flu but a cold.

Okay now wait just a fucking minute!

Yeah didn't say that. Mind thought only. But seriously, I sat there wondering why on earth he wasn't going to test him. No instead he says take him home, keep him away from school for a week, see how the fever goes and then maybe we will test him.

You know it kills me. People are getting sick with this virus. It's killed people in states and Mexico. Yes Canadians are only catching a mild version of it, but the last thing I want is for my son to be infecting other (especially seniors or other children) if he has this bug.

So now I'm off to phone Fraser Health to find out my next step. I'd like to be able to give the parents of the children I watch, and friends and family who have been around Jake the past several days the green light that indeed he does not have H1N1 but something else.

I'll let you all know what happens. I'm going to boil my hands now...