I am sad.
I love being a mom, don't get me wrong. But I need a break from parenting.
I stay home all day and write, be with my kids, take care of them and my husband and I'm begining to feel like that woman in the cartoon looking for a discount somewhere. I'm spent!
It's not that I don't love my boys. My God! I couldn't love any human beings more than I love them. But I've realized that lately I feel like a frumpy house wife, instead of a grown woman, 36 years old with a sexual appetite that seems to sqwander during the evening hours because I'm pooped by nine o'clock and DH and I have no time for romance or even a snuggle, let alone some nookie that lasts longer than ten minutes before we are both snoring!
I'm NOT horny. I'm lonely. It's hard to feel sexy when you are covered in chocolate pudding, and not in a good way (wink wink) you know what I mean? All day it's "mom this..." and "mom that..." boys fighting, needing to go somewhere (sports or events) catering to a special needs child, a husband with a brain injury and sometimes I just feel used up.
What I need is a night out.
What I need is a babysitter that can handle a special needs child.
What I need is fifteen minutes of quiet time without phone calls, kids screaming, where hubby and I can talk (real conversation) that doesn't involve which hockey game we are taking our oldest son to or which doctor appointment is coming up during the week for our little angel boy.
I miss conversations that DON'T revolve around kids BUT other topics, feelings and sharing.
I know it sounds like I'm bitching. I am so whatever - deal with it! I DO feel blessed to have my family. Without them I would not know what to do with myself. It's just some days I wish there were more time for alone time for DH and I.
A mom can wish can't she?
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