My blog has moved!

You will be automatically redirected to the new address. If that does not occur, visit
and update your bookmarks.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

mama that man is peeing beside the dumpster

Okay fellas we all know as little boys it's cool to pee your name in the snow. It's a talent really. But the pee bandit has struck again, and this time I am ready to hit him over the head with a frying pan, hard, if comes back!

Living where we do, our complex is filled with screaming children during the day, running wild, playing hockey at the basketball court... or having a blast at the small park our co-op has so graciously fixed after teenagers decided to destroy it, for our kids. The point is, this is a kid friendly neighborhood.

You would never be able to tell, what with all the crack heads and junkies, drug deals and homeless people a mere couple blocks away, hanging out at seven eleven, hitting you up for sex on a stick in exchange for a coffee or two nickles they can rub together.

But despite that grotesque display being so close to home, once we drive into our complex, past the big tall beautiful oak trees, neighbors who smile and wave and call us by our first names, and kids who come running to ask my boys if they can come out to play, we feel at home.

These two worlds have never collided. That is until the pee bandit came.

He's a middle aged man, in his thirty's I'd guess, homeless most likely as he and his partner in dumpster diving often venture through here to rummage through our garbage bin and recycling bin in search for spare change that comes in the pretty form of plastic and glass, to which they can return in exchange for nickles and dimes.

It doesn't bother me that they come and go through our garbage. I could never imagine being that desperate, nor would I want to. The only time I have ever jumped into a dumpster is when I accidentally threw money out. So the fact these fellas need extra money (for whatever reason) doesn't bother me. In fact, FD (forgetful dad) and I will often even bag up our pop cans and give them away as these gents walk by.

At least we did until I caught one of them peeing behind the garbage bin in broad daylight where my three year could watch!

Now when this unfortunate incident happened, I did not yell, blow a gasket, or shriek at the poor man emptying his bladder all over the side of our community bin. In fact, I did the opposite. I was nice about it.

I told the guy that it would be greatly appreciated if he would kindly not do THAT in plain sight. I explained there were little kids in the area and they did not need to see that sort of thing and that this was PRIVATE property.

The guy apologized, even called me Mame. He said he was so sorry but really had to go and it would never happen again. Satisfied, I left the situation at that and proceeded about my day. That was a month ago.

Well the pee bandit struck again!

He was back, today and what with me being so nice the first time. I thought this time I outta introduce him to the vengeful bitch side of me protecting my young who uncaring screamed out loud "Mama that man is peeing beside the dumpster!" releasing a whoop and giggle to boot.

That was it!

Furious that this man ignored my previous request. I did three things. 1.) Called the cops and reported it. They were on their way. 2.) Counted to ten. It's a mom thing one must always do when ready to do battle with anything that remotely threatens the patience level of a woman angry. And 3.) I grabbed the first big plastic bowl I could find in my extra Tupperware cupboard and marched my ass outside and up to him.

Here! I said to him holding out the bowl, waiting for him to zip himself up, turning my head as I am not use to looking at a man's penis before 9 am. I have kids and sex is for holidays you know.

"What's this?" He looked at me puzzled and a little off guard that I had caught him doing the deed.

"You remember me right?" I questioned him. "I told you not to do this here, not to come here, because there are children." I pointed over to my three year old, watching me intently. "Pee in this-- and get out! The police are coming."

POLICE -- the big bad word was said and the guy grabbed his bags and left immediately. I waited and watched him leave, making sure he didn't detour into another part of the complex, as he headed across the street and back to his area of safety.

Turning around, I tried to hide the smile on my face when PB my three year old looked up at me. "Why you laughing mama?" He asked, taking my hand as I proceeded to bark a lecture that peeing outside was wrong, pushing my laughter away to be serious about it.

Why was I laughing?

Well when the guy goes to pee in the bowl I wondered how happy he would be once he realized there was a giant crack in the bottom of it? Maybe once it spilled over him he would know what it feels like to have someone piss all over where you live.



Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by my blog, I appreciate all comments and opinions and can't wait to hear from you!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Top Blogs

My Blogfrog



Rants n' Rascals Copyright © 2009 Cosmetic Girl Designed by Ipietoon | In Collaboration with FIFA
Girl Illustration Copyrighted to Dapino Colada
This template is brought to you by : | Blogger Templates