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Friday, April 30, 2010

am i really making an impact being a stay at home mom?

When I was a single mother raising Gamer all I wanted was to share my life with someone, someone to love me, care for us and maybe even provide financially.  Then I met FD (Forgetful Dad) and well -- you don't get to choose who you fall in love with and you love with all your heart, through the good and bad.

Lately it's been bad.

I don't know what it is.  I'm more depressed than usual, even though I'm still taking my medications for bipolar depression.  I sit and every now and then it hits me when I'm blogging and enjoying myself in those quiet moments without the kids.

I should be doing more.

I should be working.

I should be helping this family get out of debt, instead of further behind where we ROB Peter to PAY Paul and both of them knock on our door at the same time asking us to squeeze blood from a stone, a feat I wish I could I do because that would be too cool and help get the monkey off our back.

I know it's silly but I even miss working outside the home sometimes.  I miss the adult connection and conversations.  I miss that pinch of satisfaction, seeing my name in print with dollars behind it, showing me the rewards of all the hard work I was doing.  I know it's silly.  I shouldn't feel this way.  I'm doing the best I can and then I read Danielle's post and realized I wasn't alone.

I know all moms go through this phase in questioning where they ask themselves AM I REALLY MAKING AN IMPACT BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM.  It's hard because it puts us between a rock and a hard place.

Money isn't everything.  Things can be hard.  I'm a firm believer that God takes care of us, even when we aren't looking in his direction.  He provides and I know what I need to do is have a little faith.  Danielle was right though, precious moments and having someone else raise my kids, loving them, taking care of them...

No amount of money can provide for them the love I know I give them everyday when I'm here sharing time with my family.  So maybe we don't have money but we are rich.

How do you stay happy and content when you are at home raising your family?



Anonymous said...

Hi JP! Thanks for linking to my blog, and my heart totally goes out to you (obviously!). I think one of the hardest parts of being a SAHM is the fact that we're suddenly cut off from the adults that KNOW that we need to be affirmed and we're at home with our sweet littles who only know how to take. We are doing such a great thing for our families, and someday, our children will call us blessed. But today, they'll probably just rise up and ask for chocolate milk... there's always tomorrow. =)

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