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Monday, April 12, 2010

did you lose all your best friends after you became a mom?

It's funny, my girls and I were just talking about this on the weekend.  One of my good friends Laura, it was her birthday and an opportunity to go out came up.  FD babysat the boys while I ventured on, not without much prodding from my other gal pals Sheila and "Tee" to go to Cheers a local pub where everyone else was going to celebrate Laura turning another glorious year.

It was hard to go out.  Be without the kids?  Ummm  ya okay, I'm not sure what that is like, and when I read this ARTICLE from Modern Mom posted by momonthebrink on Apr 09, 2010.  I thought... "Hey I have felt like that."

Momonthebrink talks about how she lost all her "single" best friends after she got married, after she had a baby and how she neglected her friendships over the years because she was so swamped with living in mommyland that she forgot to take time for herself.
That's when it hit me.  I have no real "single" friends anymore.  Well okay, I have single friends, but none without any kids.  All my friends, close friends are mommies and yes I did lose friends after I had my kids and found the man of my dreams.

Does it have to be that way?

Not for everyone.  Momonthebrink is living proof of that.  She still has her friends and has made a pact to keep up her friendships with them, despite them not having kids.  But for some of us it's not that easy, as being a mommy with a new man or baby in your life, you want to be able to share those precious and silly and totally wonderful moments with moms who understand.

On the flip side of that, I have friends who NEED to be consumed with themselves and cannot give a rats patootie about anyone else right now other than themselves, because what they are going through requires their undivided attention. 

That old saying... "You can't take care of someone else if you aren't taking care of yourself, right?"

If you find you are losing friendships because you are too wrapped up in your life, babies, kids, things to do.  The best thing is to talk to your girls.  They are YOUR girls after all, and friendships should be built on trust and communication, understanding and forgiveness.

Did you lose your friends after you became a mom?  Share your story in the comment section.



Babes Mami on April 12, 2010 at 3:42 PM said...

I lost lots of friends when I got pregnant because I didn't want to go out all the time. I was pregnant and tired and pregnant. Then I gained a few mommy friends after and lost a few more single childless friends and it sucked buuuut NOW my friends are getting married and having their own babies and we are trying to gain those friendships back. Get close again and now they can come to me for advice and opinions. It's a nice change and I'm loving it!

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