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Monday, June 29, 2009

couples counseling finished for the summer

Ya we're done!

At least for now that is.

Corky and I have been going to couples counseling for the past year and today was our last day before summer break, and really I'm relieved.

It's not that it's not helping. I mean our marriage is strong and we don't argue or disagree about much. We don't fight about money or what movie we should watch. We don't argue about who is going to do the dishes or who did or didn't fold the laundry (neither of us ahem) lol.

We are going to counseling because parenting with a brain injury isn't always easy for DH or our oldest son Hockeydude and counseling is helping us find tools we can use to stop the power struggles and frustrations that are occurring between father and son with mom in the middle (that's me yep!)

A our therapist is fantastic! He always listens to us (important) I must say, and he truly understands DH's brain injury and how his lack of memory plays into his parenting skills. What we all know as parents mostly stems from our upbringing and experiences through life to which we've all gone through.

Now imagine parenting your children with no experiences to draw from and no recollection of your childhood to use as a map of wisdom?

It would suck!

Well that is what DH goes through each day. He has a hard time relating to the kids because he doesn't remember being a kid himself. Not like me. I remember being a kid. I remember playing one parent against the other. I remember acting out because I couldn't control my anger or emotions but not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings. I remember feeling self conscious when I began liking boys and worried about my friends, and pushing my parents buttons to get what I wanted (though it didn't work).

DH doesn't remember and so he automatically expects the kids to behave like the adults he deals with. When they don't listen (because that's what kids do) turn off their ears. He gets emotional and frustrated. He's not sure how to get through to Jay and so they argue A LOT but still love one another, despite the struggles and we continue to talk as a family to make sure the lines of communication stay open.

I'm glad it's over though. Sometimes it can be draining and all I want to do is concentrate on the boys and enjoying our summer as a family. We have plans to go camping, taking the boys places they've never been and sharing some quality time without televisions, phones, computers and so forth. I can't wait!

We will start up again with A in August when we get back from PG. Until then we are finished and free!


Hyla on June 30, 2009 at 12:11 AM said...

Im glad you two have found someone to help!

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