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Thursday, July 9, 2009

random tuesday thoughts: you are my best friend mom

Oh I love Tuesday's because it's time to let the randomness out of the closet and blog whatever which I love doing. So does Keely at UNMOM so if you blog random Tuesdays head over to her and make sure to post your link and read other random posts. Don't forget to send me some comment luv!

So it's been pretty fecking hot here for a bit. I don't just mean hot like wearing shorts kinda hot, but that sticky and icky, sweating your ass off, muggy with perspiration pooling in the cracks and crevices you never knew existed kinda hot.

It's been gross!

When it gets this hot I cannot sleep upstairs. Not unless I want to suffocate to death, which yeah isn't really a goal for me. Not this week anyhow. So I decided to sleep downstairs and called for CAMP OUT WEEK.

DH brought down Hockeydude's bed. Oh by the way he's not going to be called Hockeydude anymore. His new name is GB : Gamerboy because that is the name he chose for the new blog I set up for him. Go and check it out. I know sorry for the sudden and random shameless blog plug, but he wants peeps to follow him.

He's only ten.

Anyhow DH brought down the mattress and the boys and I have been sleeping (uncomfortably) I might add - downstairs. It has been cooler and wouldn't you know after the first night of bringin
the bed down the rain suddenly decided to grace us.

Yet in the living room the mattress remains as I continue my camp out.

I like it. Being with the boys for some one on one snuggle time. We cuddle and watch movies before hitting the sack. Pickleboy sleeps on the sofa up top because he's a body flinger and you will find a foot or elbow in your eye in the middle of the night. Kinda hurts.

So last night GB (Gamerboy) and I laid down to watch a movie. Scary Movie 4 and yes maybe not the most appropriate film to allow my 10 year old to watch but well shit that can go into Trashy Thursday bad parenting moments.

He knows a lot stuff GB and knows the sex stuff and knows to ask questions which he does. He's not really your typical ten year old because he's lived a hard life. Something about watching your parenting fight all the time does something to a kid.

(Long story for another time).

So there we were watching the movie, snuggling and laughing. DH was in bed snoozing quietly and PB was fast asleep as well. When the movie was over we turned out all the light and in the dark we began our conversation...

GB: Can you remove your rings. It feels better on my back?

I always give him a massage. He enjoyed this so much as a baby to help him fall asleep and I hadn't done it in a long time. So yes of course I removed my rings. Rings hurt.

GB: I feel so tense in my back mom.

ME: Well that is because of what? What do you do a lot GB?

GB: Think negatively. (He says this with a bit of a whine)

ME: Listen kiddo I know you don't want to hear it but if you surround yourself with negativity and think only about the bad things, what you aren't getting from people, what people do you don't like, instead of thinking about what you can do for others. This tension you feel is never going to go away.

GB: What do you mean?

ME: Well I used to think all the time about what I didn't have. Raising you alone made me sad, we had no money, no friends, no help. It always made me sad and scared and mostly angry. Then one day I started thinking about other people, what they don't have, what they might need and suddenly our lives turned out. Surround yourself with negativity and it follows you and sticks to you like a magnet. Do you understand?

GB: (Nods) You are a good mom you know. You and FD (forgetful dad) are good to me and Pickleboy.

ME: You're only saying that because I am rubbing your back. (I giggle).

GB: No it's true. You are a great mom. You always listen to me when I'm upset. You still cuddle me but don't make fun of me.

ME: Why would I make fun of you? (I say this with a shocked voice) trying to hide stifle my laughs.

GB: Ummmm because you like teasing me.

Okay this is true. I love teasing my kids and letting them know I love them but I will make fun of them if the situation calls for it. It's the part of parenting I waited for my whole life. I'm still scarred from my mother taking me to buy my first bra and putting it on over top of my shirt and shouting out to my father across the ladies department.... "Does this look like it fits right?"

So having my own kids you bet your ass I couldn't wait for my turn (parental accolades) are well worth the pain I went through to have these little rascals. It's only fair I get to torture them on occasion.

So I continued to massage GB's back until I sensed he was falling asleep. Then he said something out of the ordinary.

GB: You are my best friend.

Okay now is where the lump in my throat surfaces as I brush the hair back from his eyes. The words held so much meaning for me.

You wait and wait for it : those moments of precious acknowledgment that you are a good parent, that your children love you and respect you and still NEED you. And when they finally come ( for me at least) so does the flood gates with tears of joy!

ME: You are my best friend, too. (I replied)

It was true too. When I left my (BAD) relationship with GB's father and became a single mother. It was GB who at the tiny age of two who kept me going through those dark nights while I tried to figure out who I was and where my life was going.

He saved me. He's been the one constant in my life I could count on that goes back before I had Pickleboy and before I met FD and married him. It was always just GB and me. The two of us against the world.

Now here he was ten years old and still NEEDED me. It felt great I won't lie. He might not be my baby anymore but will always be my baby (if that makes sense). I will always be here to rub his back, brush the hair back from his eyes and cuddle him no matter how old he gets.

And not because it's my job. But because love forces you to do things forever for those in your heart.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

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