What would you do if you found out your spouse cheated on you with your best friend? What if he has a mid-life crisis and wants to trade you in for something younger? How would you know if he or she were cheating on you?

It's never like in the movies, is it? Where you notice lipstick on the collar or someone else's perfume on their skin. Shit I spend enough time cleaning and being with the kids, dirt and grime that by the end of the day the only person I can smell is myself and poopy diapers.

So how would I know?

Why as women do we think horrible thoughts? Why do we automatically presume we aren't lovable? That no matter how much we love or give to one person, eventually in the end we are all going to get screwed!

A few of my friends are getting divorced. I'm getting older. I'm no 20 year old anymore. I mean shit I only met DH six years ago. We started our life together LATE! And I wanted forever.

I know a silly notion, eh? Forever without divorce, but with romance. I meant my vows. Boy I meant them. When I go to sleep at night I dream about one man, as strange as it is. I dream about my husband. I'm in love with him. He is my best friend, my partner and lover. And as cliche as it sounds he is the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to hug before closing my eyes.

So why do I feel so damn jealous lately?

The other night DH went to help my bff Shoeless to pick up a bed for her daughter she found on Craig's. The most adorable little cottage bed made perfectly for Grace that any little princess would adore.

Before that we went to Mission to pick up a table for our backyard and a step2 desk for pickleboy for his room (FREE) God I love Craig's List!

DH is always helping out when he can. He's always lending a hand to someone. Like where we live there is a single mom D who has two little boys and both her and DH often trade banters with one another (FLIRTING) yes but it's all in fun and harmless. He's like that with all my friends. He's like that with me. It's one of the things I love about us.

No matter what mood we are in or what is going on DH and I can trade verbal banter that makes us both laugh at each other, tease one another and we keep each other on our toes.

They were gone for 2 hours though!

Two hours and at first I thought nothing. I was watching the kids. I was watching television. I mean I am sure it didn't help that I was watching FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL, story of a guy who gets dumped by his long time gf only to discover she'd been with another guy for nearly a year before he even found out.

OUCH!

So it's then I suddenly wonder... WhreTF are my BFF and my DH? Why have they been gone so long? What are they doing? And well F*cK from there my brain just snowballed into one giant worried ball of MY GOD I'M GOING TO END UP ON DOCTOR PHIL OR OPRAH!~!!!!!!!

I couldn't get a hold of them. I only called Shoeless once. But I called DH several times. But I mean who answers the phone when they are busy? Right?

I can't explain to you why I had these thoughts. Never in a million years would I ever think DH would do something like that to me, and neither would Shoeless (she loves me) unlike any friend I've ever had.

So they pull up with the bed for Grace and coffee from Tim's (which Shoeless) knows is my fav... and here I was thinking they were...

What is the matter with me?

And to top it off. I got all emotional (because Flow is coming to town) I think and DH noticed right away something was wrong and here is where the whole situation is messed up. These are the two people in the whole entire world I can truly be my crazy self with.

I told him and her what I was thinking.

Did they yell at me? (NO) Did they laugh at me for being stupid with my thoughts? (NO) DH got emotional and told me he loved me and Shoeless hugged me and told me to drink my coffee and it was okay I had a crazy moment.

That is the way she is with me. It doesn't matter if I'm stupid or crazy or think retarded things. It doesn't matter if I'm having a bad parenting day or want to lock myself in the closet away from the world.

Shoeless would get a key cut and open the door and demand I take my ass out of the closet into the sunshine and talk me through what is wrong.

Sometimes being married is so complicated. Sometimes being a parent is even more complicated. Sometimes trusting your friends and loved ones isn't easy. But when you find a spouse and friends who love you for who you are maybe you should look a little deeper at yourself to see what they see and find the good in yourself and realize if they love you...

Maybe you should love yourself too!
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