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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

random tuesday: a good argument between spouses is healthy.

Sometimes I think it's healthy for a couple to have a row with one another, even if it is at 5:30 in the bloody morning. I think the key to realizing your marriage is healthy is to take a look at why you are fighting and chalk it up for what it's worth.

DH and I have been married now for going on five years. Not long I know (by any means). But our marriage is different and unique in ways other marriages aren't.

We spend 24 hours a day together. Omg why? LOL. Well because we have to. We are both on a disability. I'm a part time caregiver to both he and PB (Pickleboy) who has Cerebral Palsy (mild) and other behavioral issues.

In spending all that time together we don't really argue, believe it or not. We just don't. We enjoy spending our days together. We love each other yes but mainly are best friends and enjoy talking to one another and having a good time and we communicate effectively when one (or the other) person is upset.

Well, shit! The communication went straight out the perverbial window this morning to where the birds were flying high in the trees that rest outside our bedroom window...

DH set the alarm clock last night, right before he came to bed. It's a school day tomorrow (today) or rather the first day of school for the boys and we both wanted to make sure we were up and helping the boys get what they needed, feed their tummies and calm their fears before they were both sent off for another year of fun and educational learning.

PB is starting preschool this morning which I think both DH and myself are a bit worried about. Nervous is more like it because we don't know how he is going to be or how the school will be, and after three years of caring for this child with special needs, doctors and hospital visits regularly.

Cutting the apron strings is more like cutting out a piece of our hearts while we allow his growth as a little person to continue.

Gamer is going into grade five which will be his final year in elementary school before he heads off to middle school and officially enters tween-hood, although he believes he lives there now. I still like to think he's only taking up a partial residence and is still my baby needing and wanting his mother for everything. (Leave me to my delusions thank you very much)...

So there we are, lying in bed and sleeping (all three of us).

Yes three of us and no we don't swing that way lol. PB hasn't slept in his own bed and in fact doesn't even one for the past two years and a bit. In fact I'm not even sure if he ever really slept on his own and we are constantly battling him for just where he wants to sleep.

I know you are going to say "oh well that is why you are fighting..." because you aren't getting a good sleep by allowing your child to sleep with you.

Um mm ya -no. That's not it. See PB also has minor Aspberger's and usually we have to fight with him to get him to sleep with us. He has had seven beds in his short little life. One was too hard. One was too soft and finally Goldilocks (literally he has blond hair) settled on sleeping downstairs on the love seat and couldn't care less if we are with him.

It's me whose not comfortable leaving my three year old downstairs to sleep on the sofa. Call me crazy!

Anyhoo, there we are sleeping when suddenly I hear birds chirping and the sound of the ocean crackling in my ear in the most annoying way that I actually had visions of eating pheasants and killing fish. Not pretty!

The alarm went off...

It went off like three hours earlier than it was suppose to!

So I'm trying to shut it off. DH is grunting and he stalks over to my side to shut the damn thing off before waking either of the boys before they need to get up. He says a few words. I politely shoot some back at him (in the most calm manner) lol I can (NOT). And before you know it we are fighting about who set the alarm and whose fault it is for it going off before I finally stalked ... I just like that word, out of the bedroom and ventured down here to tell you all about it.

Don't you feel special?

Yeah I know, silly eh. But hey, sometimes couples fight. I'm not mad anymore. Heck I wasn't even really mad upstairs when this happened. More annoyed I think at being woken up early while I was dreaming of walking on a beach, holding DH's hand beneath the quiet warm sun with no children around before a pack of seagulls came and shit on my parade!

Marriage is fun. Marriage is unpredictable. Couples fight and sometimes for stupid reasons. Both DH and I were tired. We are anxious about school today. We are anxious about having time alone without the kids for the first time ever! And I think the key to a good relationship is to chalk your arguing up to what is behind it. Like a stupid alarm clock that decided on its own to intervene when it wasn't asked.

We are going to buy a new today!


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