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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

mother's who judge one another, it can be hard

I'm on Facebook when Tsunami Mommy puts up a post on an incredible article from U.S.A today about mother's judging one another and the difficulties parents face.  Read it here.

The article is filled with all the things moms and parents can do to judge one another when they are actually trying to be supportive and the nature of how moms feel, always having to defend their parenting actions or love for their children when their choices come into question.

I, like every mom out there has at one point experienced this type of judgement from other parents, friends and even family.

For instance: right now PB is having a difficult time sleeping in his own bed.  He's always had a hard time.  Yes he sleeps with us and I absolutely hate it when friends roll their eyes or my folks (GOD LOVE THEM) give me the lecture of how I'm enabling him by allowing him control by allowing him to crawl into bed with us.

I know as a mom it's not good.  I know PB needs to learn to sleep on his own, without daddy and I with him.  He's getting there.  He's my last child and sooooooooo very different from Gamer who slept in his own bed from the moment he was born and never really gave me any trouble in the sleep department.

It's annoying and frustrating when people feel the need to butt in, even though they may have your best interests at heart and are only trying to help.  It makes me angry especially when as the article states: we as mothers already feel overwhelmed, sleep deprived and on our heels always second guessing if we are doing the right thing or not.   I cannot think of a time- any time really- where someone told me I was a good parent.

That's sad.

Maybe we should go around and pick out all the wonderful things we do as parents, support one another this way instead of putting one another down for our choices and trying to make each other feel bad if those choices don't reflect our own idea of how a parent should be.

I'd like to say thanks to Tsunami Mommy for pointing this article out to us, it is a great resource and gives us all something to thing about.  Take a moment to visit her blog, she's a top mom in my book!



Fordy on May 25, 2010 at 4:27 PM said...

Your kids rock! You're doing a great job with them and don't let the eye-rolls get to you. :-P

JP Shaw on May 25, 2010 at 4:31 PM said...

Awww thanks Fordy but even you know as a dad it can be hard, put them to bed late, feed them something they aren't supposed to have, give them sugar - you are a bad bad parent! But it's nice to hear so ty very much.

Stephanie on May 26, 2010 at 12:07 PM said...

You know what?

You're a good parent.

Thinking we're being a bad parent (ie: second guessing ourselves) is a sign that we're actually a good parent! So a big hug to you. It's obvious even by just the fact that you're wondering about the little one crawling into bed with you, that you're being a great mom.

We're doing our best, end of story. (Even though at times we wonder!) Quick story: I had started to Baby-Wear when Oscar was a newborn. He was all snuggled into his sling, cozy as a bug in a rug one afternoon when company showed up. One of the people made a comment, "How are we supposed to hold him if you're always carrying him in there?". They thought I was being selfish by WEARING MY BABY (which is the primal position of moms & babies... wearing them somehow...not to say it's for everyone because it isn't, but I wanted to do it). Well, long story longer, I felt so guilty and was so triggered (there's history between me and this particular person) about it that I stopped. I STOPPED WEARING MY BABY BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS PERSON WAS TELLING ME I WAS SELFISH. Argh.

It took a little while for me, sadly, to really stand in that primal Mother position. Now? No apologies.

Most days...

Anonymous said...

I was at a huge mom's group once where around 3/4 of the moms sheepishly confessed that their babies sleep with them. They all said, "I know it's not good, but ..." It made me wonder why everyone felt so sheepish, since most of the ladies in the room did it. You know what? When you've got little kids you do what you have to do to get everyone the sleep you need. No apologies or guilt needed.

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